


Sterns No (Pretty) Good Very Bad (Gay) Beach Vacation

by CertifiedPissWizard



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, graphic depictions of volleyball, heeeeeeeey, its a beach vacation au, theyre very gay and in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18452825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CertifiedPissWizard/pseuds/CertifiedPissWizard
Summary: After being forced into a mandatory vacation by his boss, because apparently he was actually supposed to use his vacation days, Stern went to Florida. This proved to be a not good decision, until he was beaned in the head with a volleyball. Then things started looking up.





	Sterns No (Pretty) Good Very Bad (Gay) Beach Vacation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FaiaHae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaiaHae/gifts).



Stern was very tired and sore when he walked into the office after having spent seventeen hours straight driving back from dealing with some sort of man-eating tentacle beast which had left dozens of sucker marks on his arms; he was also vaguely embarrassed about that last bit. All of this meant that when Agent Sarah Johnson called him into her office he was very much not in the mood for anything. His mood was made even worse when she requested he sit down in one of the uncomfortable, low backed, green chairs in her office.  His mood fell even further as she began, “Stern. We need to have a talk.[1] It has come to my attention that somehow, after working in this department for six years you have never once used any of your vacation days, mandatory or otherwise.[2] This behavior cannot be allowed to continue, meaning that for the next two months you will be taking a mandatory vacation. It will be paid.” He opened his mouth, about to protest that he did not, in fact, need a vacation before she said, “Get out of my office.” He did.

 

He hated Florida. The heat was awful, the humidity murderous, the sun far too bright for comfort, yet as Stern languished under his beach umbrella, three days into his forced vacation, he mused on how he can’t even wear one of his two short sleeved shirts[3] until the marks that the tentacled hell beast left started to heal a bit more than they already had. As such, languishing under an umbrella, three books into the twelve he had bought specifically for the vacation, he tried his best to focus on sharks rather than the heat or the brightness or the sound of the waves or the family somewhere to his left whose daughter just had her sand castle crushed or the sounds of the volleyball game somewhere off towards his right. The thing is, he’d think later, that he should probably have been paying a bit more attention to the volleyball game. He wasn’t paying attention to it though, so he didn’t process the vaguely panicked shouts.

 

He did, however, process a volleyball hitting him in the skull. It would have required a great deal more willpower than he has possessed for the whole of his forced vacation to ignore a blow to the head that left him seeing stars[4]. He wasn’t able to even attempt to ignore it, though, because he suddenly found himself too busy not stalking over to where the volleyball game was out of the rage for a volleyball having accidentally been flung at his head while he was being forced to take a vacation in a state that was hot and humid and had had four thunderstorms in the time since he’d showed up.  Stern was, he was very angry about the volleyball and Florida and the fact that he was being forced to take a vacation and about how the books he had bought were being run through so fast because what else could he do for two months and he turned his gaze towards where the game is and somebody was ever so slowly walking over.

 

_Shit._ Stern though. _He’s hot._ Then Stern remembered something very important, the man walking over for the volleyball may be hot, but Stern was a petty petty man who just had his bad vacation made worse[5] by this man and his volleyball game. Stern took some deep breaths and waited for the guy to get closer and start talking. There was no way he could figure out an appropriate response to the situation without more information, of course.  He could also maybe do with the name and phone number of the volleyball stranger[6]. That would, of course, have to come second to his response to the worsening of his vacation. Stern may have been very gay, but he had his priorities very straight.

Barclay was enjoying the vacation that he was going on with the other members of the Pine Guard, really, but he couldn’t help but be at least a little stressed out. On the one hand, they may have killed the abomination, but on the other hand, abominations aren’t typically that weak. None of that really stopped Aubrey from dragging them all on a beach vacation, though. Now, Barclay couldn’t help but think, they were all in Florida and if something went wrong, he decided immediately to not think about that. He refused to think about that, as it would be the nightmare scenario. He decided he going to focus on this beach vacation and the volleyball game that Aubrey was trying to drag everybody into. He was very much not looking forward to playing volleyball

 

Volleyball was even worse than he had previously thought. There was sand flying everywhere, because apparently beach volleyball meant trying to knock up as much sand as possible into the air. It was hectic, with no apparent set positions, or apparently any rules. There didn’t appear to be any lines in the sand about the actions one was and wasn’t allowed to take. It was not the most enjoyable, and it became even less enjoyable when Aubrey knocked a volleyball off down the beach to where it hit some poor man in the head. It was made even less enjoyable than it had been made at that moment when he had been asked to deal with getting the volleyball back.

 

Barclay walked towards the individual as slowly as he reasonably could, dreading the likely embarrassing interaction to come. His dread began to grow exponentially as he got closer, and he almost perished then and there on the beach when he realized two things, the first being that the figure was a man, the second being that the mysterious beach man was very hot. “Can I- can I get that volleyball back?” There was a pause, as though the man was sizing him up, not that Barclay could say he wasn’t doing the same.

 

The man grinned at him suddenly, “Sure. Can I join your game?” When Barclay nodded, the man proceeded to unbutton his shirt by one button, roll up his sleeves, grab the volleyball, stand up, and toss the ball back over to Barclay. “Lead the way then.” For a moment, looking at the man’s smile, Barclay decided that volleyball might not have been such a bad idea after all.

 

[1] We need to have a talk is a phrase that is never good. Especially when it’s coming from your boss.

[2] This was incorrect. He had used one of them because it would have been unsafe to drive given how exhausted he was at that point in time.

[3] He has them for more casual business settings. He’s only worn either of them once.

[4] The sort of thing that one might want to talk to a doctor about, but Stern certainly didn’t.

[5] And also a bit gayer

[6] Which would count as more information, if not necessarily pertinent information


End file.
